my eyes twitched earlier and a slight chest pain occurred for a short while, then i knew something was going to happen. when i know what i thought it would be is really something i should start believing in, my heart dropped. i witnessed what i would never in the world would wanted to witness. and i swear, i could have almost lost myself right there on the spot. a soft scream escaped my lips as tears rolled down my cheeks at the speed of light. only then, i knew i finally lost myself. i couldn’t control it anymore as i completely let myself go and cried my heart out while holding onto my chest. it felt like my heart was being stabbed continuously with something sharp. i could literally hear my own voice calling out to your name as i saw your face with my eyes closed. images of our past memories flashed by inside my head as the pain kicked in harder. i lost it all. i cried nonstop. for once, i wish you were actually here to see how much pain i was dealing with. for once, i just wanted to rush into your arms and cried to you. but i looked around, you’re not here. the person i called out to while i was trying to hold back those tears, i thought you’d be here once i open my eyes, but all along, it was just my mind playing around with me. all that i’ve witnessed, it still seems like just a nightmare that repeats itself every night, haunting and hurting over and over. it seems so unreal. but when i finally let the truth into my heart, trying my hardest to accept it despite the pain killing me each second passes by, it literally tore me completely apart. why does it hurt so bad? why now? why so sudden? i kept asking myself, is she going be the one to make you love her more than how you’ve loved me? is she going to be the girl you will be always dreaming of? i don’t know. there are just so many things i wanted to know yet i know it so well that this little heart of mine can no longer handle anymore pain. as much as this truth be killing me inside, little by little, i honestly hope that she won’t disappoint you like how i did. and i hope that you won’t hurt her like how you’ve hurt me. though i wish the one standing by your side would still be me and the one that you’ll be smiling at would still be me, but now i guess she would be a much better one to receive all of that instead of me. and it hurts to know that you’re now happy with her and not with me, but i just hope that you’ll still keep me somewhere inside your heart. you’re happy with her, right? if so, then i’m glad. i’ll try to let you go now, and i’ll try to be happy for you. i hope this is what you really wanted. and i hope that you’re happy. with her.

2 notes
pain oh pain please go away... personal. thoughts. please be happy..

1. tinasweetheart posted this

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