after i graduated from high school, i honestly did not feel excited to start a new chapter in my life with college. even during my senior year, i was already stressed out over college and messed up my college plans. and yes, i did regret it a lot. i guess everyone has different views on education. but as for me, of course i’d love to have a bright future ahead of me with a stable career and earning money for a living. but then again, i just stopped having that ‘will’ to work hard in school. not that i don’t wanna attend college or anything, just that i found myself losing the motivation and the idea of attending college. i feel useless sometimes cuz of my lack of motivation in going back to school. my parents asked me why i didn’t wanna attend college, and tbh, not that i don’t want to. just that i don’t feel like going. i hate school. i hate studying. i’m scared to think of what i have to deal with once i attend college. and i’m dead scared of the idea of having to plan out my future. mom and dad came to a conclusion to let me decide on my own future. they gave me the option to do what i think is right for myself. as time goes by, i just become more afraid of thinking about getting myself together to go to school. i don’t know where to start, what to do, or what i wanna study. the thought of having to go to school, figuring out what i wanna major in, and study my ass off for that damn degree, scares me. people tend to judge me for not attending school and it bothers me at first but now, i’m over it. they don’t know me. they don’t know what i want in my life. just cuz i don’t go to school doesn’t mean i’m any less than them. and just cuz i don’t think of my college plan does not mean i have decided to give up on school. i guess i just need time to think my life through. what i want, what school i wanna go to, what major i wanna get into, and how i’m gonna get there. i need some time to think, i guess. but damn, i wish i have the motivation to go to school.

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