i’m sure everyone of us often ask ourselves the most common question ever, “what is love?” to be honest, i thought what i felt before was love. or maybe it was. as time goes by, experiences after one another, hardships here and there, pain every now and then, tears rolling down day by day, all these heartaches, they all made me understand what’s the meaning of “love” is all about. maybe what i felt before was really love, and it was special, i admit. but what i’m feeling and been experiencing is different from what i used to feel. way too different. i guess too much heartaches made me grow to appreciate and understand the love i’m receiving because i knew it well that i deserve this loving.
other people often ask me that one question, “how did you manage to overcome that and be happy again?” over and over. i hear this question so many times and my answer is always gonna be the same. it’s because i needed happiness, not pain. it’s because i deserve love, not constant heartaches and tears. it was difficult when all i wanted to do was to love that person and giving them my all when all i ever received in return is barely even half. and it was even harder when i knew that i had to walk away but never did i find the courage to do so. i needed a wake up call. and i got it. i realized that, no matter how much effort i put in, it’ll just never be enough so i guess, why bother putting myself in pain? i didn’t think all that was worth me being hurt when i kept on trying, times after times.
everyone always told me “you’ll never find someone better if you keep holding onto the wrong one” i guess i should have taken these words more seriously earlier. but nonetheless, i’m glad i found someone better. maybe ‘better’ isn’t enough to describe that person. it was amazing that i never thought someone like that could came around into my life when i least expected them to be. and that person actually stays.. i fell in like before, i fell in “love” before, too. but this time, it was so different and just so surreal. i swore it actually felt magical when everything came up to me all at once. i still remember our first meeting, our first words to each other, our first handshake, our first joke, our first of everything.. that was when i finally realized what does it means to “let go of the wrong one to find the right one” cuz i truly did find the right one, this time around. you swept me off my feet and made me realize what does it feels like to truly being in love and actually, being happy as well. we click right when we first met, joke around like we’re best friends, fight like little kids, and argue like we’re a married couple. in a way, i actually thought we are meant to be.
these wounds and scars all over my body, slowly, one by one, healing up day by day with you around. smiling at me while wiping away my tears and tell me how dumb i look every time i cried when we fight over the small things. always reassure me that you’ll always be there and that you got my back. you would straight up tell me that you don’t like this or that, being honest with everything to me. the little gestures you use, to the words and the jokes you would make to put a smile on face, to the funny faces you would make to brighten up my day, to the little things you do to make me happy, i never thought i’d find a person like this to fall in love with. so much sunshine in my life ever since day one when you came around. it feels like i fall in love with you all over again every time i see you. i came around sometimes to ask myself whether you’re actually a reality or just a dream. when i told myself that i deserve love and care and that i deserve a better somebody, this is exactly what i need and what i deserve. baby, thank you for entering my life and decided to stay in it. i know what i deserve and that it’s you. and this time, i’m sure this is it. love.